This One’s For…
Have you heard of the song, “This One’s For the Girls” by Martina McBride? If you haven’t, pause. I’ve included the video in this post so you can watch and listen right now. Even if you just listen for a minute, the energy in that song will get you ready for this post. Now, when you read the next sentence, you have to sing it in your head to the tune of that song…
This one’s for all you girls/boys who are fixated-on-what-needs-to-be “fixed” in you. You are so hard on yourself and you don’t know what to do.
It probably didn’t sound as sweet or catchy as the original song, but the point is, this article is for you.
Addicted to More
I was sitting down with a friend today and we were talking about her past years working on another college campus. I asked her what she learned in that season of life. Her response? She shared how it was a difficult ten years filled with loneliness. Her and her husband continually strived to do their best, yet they always felt they were failing. She didn’t know why she didn’t give up in the process, besides God’s grace to keep going. She mentioned that it was a difficult season for her husband and I asked why. She responded, “Everything that he could have found his identity in, besides Jesus, was taken from him.” Through the “failure” of those years, God rooted her husband in truly knowing deep in his soul that his identity was not in success, not in applause, not in wealth. The truest, most unchanging thing about him was that he was a child of God.
“She responded, “Everything that he could have found his identity in, besides Jesus, was taken from him.”
I looked at my friend and tears started to form behind my eyes. “That is so beautiful. It’s beautiful to me, because that is all that I want. I can’t wait until I can stand with confidence, not in my abilities or successes, but in being God’s child.” I’ve wrestled with finding my worth in many other things. My mind so easily gravitates toward how I am not enough in every area of life. Instead of resting in God’s love for me while I still feel so far from my “potential”, I focus on trying to make myself better.
It begins like a train starting its engine. The wheels of my mind start turning, slowly starting to move from it’s station. How can I be more confident? It begins to pick up speed with a following thought, Well, if I just didn’t care what people thought about me, I’d be more confident. Before I know it, my mind is racing over 100 mph with all the other things I need to work on. How can I think correctly? How can I be less emotional? Why do I get so anxious? How can I eradicate shame? How can I not want to avoid conflict at all costs? How can I...How can I...How can…
ENOUGH.
Screeeeeech. The train comes to a halt.
Selah.
Breathe.
According to Strong's Hebrew definition from blueletterbible.org, “Selah” means suspension (of music), i.e. pause. Stop. The orchestra of your mind gets to stop playing their crescendo and take a breath. You can let your mind go on this rabbit hole of inadequacy…or you can pause.
Back in the conversation with my friend, she smiled at me and said, “What do you mean when you say, ‘one day’ when you can stand in complete confidence? I’m not sure that day will come before we die.” I paused. Selah.
In high school, I was in percussion. The drumline became my passion, an escape, and another family. It deeply impacted my life and I am forever grateful for that time. Now, looking back, I see how my desire to be excellent put me on an unhealthy self-worth pendulum. I was laser focused on my mistakes and could never be satisfied with my performance, which took a lot of joy out of percussion. I see now how resting in Christ’s finished work can give us more joy in the things we love, because our identity isn’t shaken by our mistakes.
She meant that following Jesus, the process of becoming who God made us to be, is a life-long journey. We don’t “arrive” until we meet death and are raised to life with our King. That can destroy someone like me, who gets addicted to being more. I was looking forward to a day, let’s say, ten years from now (lofty goals :) when I can sit on my couch and think, Hmm. I just realized I am completely confident now. I don’t put my worth or value in my work or what people think about me. Wow, this feels so nice. My wise friend was helping me in this moment to not put my hope in who I am becoming. She was helping me see that yes, God will sanctify me more and more in this life and I will be more and more free! But, I had this expectation that finished-product Lindsay would be something I see in myself in this life, with a lot of hard work on my part.
The good news, the miracle of salvation, is that when I put my hope in Jesus and the work He did for me on the cross, I took on His identity*. Now, the Father sees me the way He sees His son. Just think about that for a second. And while He sees me like His perfect Son, on this Earth, I don’t see that Lindsay most of the time. It's one of the many dichotomies of Christianity. I am finished but I am also being finished. I am fully loved as I am, but God wants to walk with me through life, healing me from my broken past and making me new. It’s this beautiful tension that drives me crazy.
“My wise friend was helping me in this moment to not put my hope in who I am becoming. She was helping me see that yes, God will sanctify me more and more in this life and I will be more and more free! But, I had this expectation that finished-product Lindsay would be something I see in myself in this life, with a lot of hard work on my part. ”
We Must Celebrate
In order to get out of this addicting rat race of always trying to be more, we need to pause and worship. My friend continued, “Yes, Lindsay, you have much further to go in your walk with God and there is so much more He will transform. But, you need to also remember what He has done, how He already has transformed you, and how you have grown since knowing Him! There is already so much to celebrate.” Again, I paused. Selah.
“The desire for God to do more in my life is not a bad desire. But when that desire is in overdrive, it can lead to an unhealthy view of God, myself, and others.”
Celebrate. I realized in this moment, there is an unbalance in my life when it comes to celebrating the past and striving for more in the future. The desire for God to do more in my life is not a bad desire. But when that desire is in overdrive, it can lead to an unhealthy view of God, myself, and others. We need to both dream for more as well as look back and celebrate what God has already done.
This practice of celebrating can help us remember that God is the one transforming our hearts, day by day. We eagerly desire that and take steps to make room for Him to come into in our lives, but ultimately He is the one who transforms us. Celebrating helps us to remember God’s faithfulness in our lives. He made a way then, He will continue to make a way in our lives, in our family, in our city, and in our nation.
We celebrate birthdays, holidays, weddings, and many other occasions. But how often do we celebrate what God has done in our lives?
Lindsay’s Celebration
I was reconnecting with some friends I met years ago the other day and one of them suggested we reflect on these past five years. Where were we five years ago? Where did we expect to be now? Where are we now? Through that short reflection here is what I learned:
I am braver than I was five years ago - back then, I would have let fear stop me from writing this blog!
I am much more accepting of God’s love for me in the middle of my mess
I appreciate the journey more than the destination
I am much more emotionally healed
I am accepting the limits God has given me
These were the five I could think of in the moment but if I sat down each month, each week, even each day and just remembered what God has already transformed in me, wow, would I be encouraged! If He had brought me this far, I could live with confidence that He will finish the work He started! Maybe Paul was serious when he said, “he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 1:6, NIV)
“When we only focus on being better, we belittle what God has already done.”
I implore you, you who are stuck on the train of self-improvement, you who compare your journey to others, to pause. Breathe. Selah. If you are so lost in the spiral of thoughts of not being enough and can’t see how you’ve already grown, go ask a good friend to tell you. Believe me, they have seen it! Let them speak the truth into you and celebrate with them! When we only focus on being better, we belittle what God has already done. Jesus has more in store for you; never stop wanting to be more like Him. But, know you can stop, you can rest, you can sabbath because God loves you now, right where you are, and He will bring you to completion.
*See 2 Corinthians 5:21, Hebrews 10:14, Romans 4:21-25
