23 Things I Learned in 2023
Double cleansing with a quality shampoo šāāļø This year, I learned I have been shampooing my hair wrong. For the past 28 years of my life, Iāve been shampooing my hair once with a drugstore shampoo and I thought it was clean. Unbeknownst to me, I hadnāt experienced truly clean hair yet. Diving into the depths of YouTube*, I learned how hairstylists shampoo hair. That is, with a high quality shampoo AND twice. The first time around removes dirt that your scalp has collected since the last wash, and the second shampoo actually getās it fully clean. I didnāt believe it until I experienced it: my hair was squeaky clean. Now I only have to shampoo my hair twice a week vs. every other day and it feels truly clean!
I am a winter āļø I first learned about color seasons from Ellie Jean Royden and I was intrigued. According to Wikipedia, Color Analysis is āterm often used within the cosmetics and fashion industry to describe a method of determining the colors of clothing, makeup, hair style that harmonizes with a person's skin complexion, eye color, and hair color for use in wardrobe planning and style consulting.ā I love personality tests and I love fashion so this felt like something I wanted to find out for myself. After many weeks going back and forth between thinking āIām a summerā or āIām an autumnā, I finally decided to just get a color analysis done. I purchased an online analysis with Colour Analysis Studio and the results said I am a winter.
I want to move away from buying cheaper, poorly made clothing items š I have enjoyed fashion since I was in high schoolā¦I like expressing myself and my creativity through clothing. But, I recognize the effects the fashion industry has had on labor ethics and the climate. I also see how fixated my mind can get on finding the perfect clothing item and I donāt want to be overly concerned with my appearance or with something temporary, like a shirt or dress. One way I am working, by Godās grace, to combat that, is to buy fewer but higher quality items that I love and will last longer. I also am now more aware of some conditions that people work in to make this cheap clothing, and I donāt want to support that. I probably wonāt be perfect at only purchasing ethically and responsibly made clothing, but I am more aware and passionate about moving in that direction**.
I prefer my hair to be at mid-length šāāļø Pretty simple. I have a lot of hair, and itās easiest to maintain when it is at around shoulder-length. I also prefer layers because my hair is so dense.
I only want to wear comfortable clothes š Life is hard. I have enough stress in my day to day without thinking about what Iām wearing and how it feels on my body. Why not make my day a little easier by wearing clothes that are comfortable?
I learned how to release stored emotions out of my body š§āāļøOver the past going on 5 years of going to therapy, Iāve learned that our mind and our body arenāt as separated as I thought. Specifically, the emotions and experiences I have affect how my body physically feels. Iāve also learned there are tools to help move emotions through your body, instead of continually re-living emotions for days, weeks, even years.
I learned this concept about animals in the wild. When there is a threat, they naturally go into fight, flight, or freeze to protect themselves from danger. This is a traumatic experience for an animal, as their life could be taken from them, and if they survive this experience, they need to do something to process this intense fear and be able to move on with their day. One way they do this is through shaking their bodies. According to Psychology Today, āShaking or trembling, which comes from the limbic brain (the part of the brain that holds emotions), sends a signal that the danger has passed and that the fight-or-flight system can turn off. They are literally finishing the nervous system response to release the traumatic experience from the body.ā
After experiencing some symptoms of anxiety and stress over and over again for a specific situation, I finally let my body do what it wanted to do. I cried, I slammed my fists into the ground, I even got into fetal position and rocked my body. After that, I felt lighter and havenāt felt the ongoing anxiety and stress from that specific trigger. Another tool Iāve used is dancing. After a stressful day at work, I will come home and dance my heart out until the stored stress leaves my body. That doesnāt mean shaking your body will remove all stress from your life š Instead, this is one tool in my tool belt to help me manage and process my emotions to have more freedom and enjoyment in life.
I released needing to ābe put together for Godā š I started my time at my new job thinking, āI am going to reflect Jesus to my coworkers!ā and āIām going to bring the kingdom perspective to my workplace!ā And with great intentions and a heart of love, I soon learned I didnāt have the strength in myself to ābe the lightā for all of the company. I cared, I built friendships with my co-workers, but the weight of their personal problems, work stresses, and eternity was just too much for me to carry.
Fast forward to a few months into 2023, I was struggling, mentally and emotionally. I felt empty. Like I had nothing to give to God or to people. Through this āemptyā feeling, I realized I thought I always had to ābring something to the tableā in my relationship with God and others. I thought I had to prove to God I was invested, I was willing to do the work, etc. But now that I had nothing in my tank to give, I didnāt know what to do. Will God not accept me anymore? Does he think Iām lazy? It was an exercise of faith, to truly believe that my relationship with God isnāt completely dependent on me. So, I would drive to work, tired and sad, and I would just say, āGod. Iām here. I donāt have anything to give. I need you to be my strength today.ā A simple prayer that felt ānot good enoughā, but it was all I could do. And through that experience, I saw God give me energy to do my work and to love my coworkers without feeling the responsibility to ābe their saviorā. God showed me through His steadfast love and commitment to me that he doesnāt need me to be āonā for Him every day. He truly is my source of strength and when I recognize I have nothing in me to give, I am actually right where He wants me. Then, He can fill me with His love, that doesnāt run out.
I released my expectation for dinners in my household š½ļø My mom was a stay-at-home mom when I was growing up. She took care of me and my brothers, took care of the home, and made the meals. At least 5 out of 7 days of the week, my mom presented a home cooked meal to our family of 5 and we ate together at our kitchen table. This led me to think, This is the right way to have dinner, and subconsciously, I thought it was my responsibility as a wife to make dinner every night. Then, I married a wonderful man who had very different food tastes than I. For the first 2 years of our marriage, I stressed about dinners. And then, I started a structured, 8-5pm office job with a 20 minute commute. I though I was solely responsible to cook dinners every night that my husband and I both like, while we both had full-time jobs was.
Until, this year. I enjoy eating out or picking up food. And yes, it is more expensive than cooking, but Iām realizing my time and energy may be more valuable than money. And maybe there is a way to stay within our monthly budget and not cook meals every night. With my partnerās support, I now have accepted we are a family that likes to eat out and if it saves us time, energy, and dish cleaning, itās worth it to us.The fruit of prayers usually comes much after the prayer has been asked š This is something I knew mentally but re-experienced this year. Praying for change can feel like you are in the dessert, crying out for rain, andā¦itās still dry as can be. Until one day, there is a drop. And then another. And then another. And maybe, all of a sudden, a torrential downpour! This happened to me this year. After praying for years for transformation in an area of my life that I had lost a lot of hope and having no idea how it could be repaired, the answer to my prayers came. I am truly amazed at what God can do and I needed a reminder that the prayers in the dessert are never wasted. We just may need to be patient and trust God to provide the answer we need in His time.
I am not behindā Simply, this. I compare myself to others and want to feel āaheadā of them. Iām scared of being āslowā or ābehindā. And Iāve been tempted to believe that I am. But God showed me, I am not behind. His plan is unique and personal to me and His plan is good, even if the things I should have achieved by now, havenāt arrived yet.
Jesus saw Mary as a future evangelist š© I started reading a commentary by N.T. Wright called Luke for Everyone and I got to Luke, chapter 10, where Jesus is at Mary and Marthaās house. I always thought the main point of this story was to tell us spending time with Jesus was more important than doing work for him. But Wright changed showed me Jesus was saying something even more controversial for that time. This has grown my confidence that GOd has a role for women in ministry and we shouldnāt shy away from studying the Word and sharing it with others.
Iām just going to quote what Wright says: āā¦to sit at the feet of a teacher was a decidedly male roleā¦When Saul of Tarsus āsat at the feet of Gamalielā (Acts 22.3), he wasnāt gazing up adoringly and thinking how wonderful the great rabbi was; he was listening and learning, focusing on the teaching of his master and putting it together in his mind. To sit at someoneās feet meant, quite literally, to be their student. And to sit at the feet of a rabbi was what you did if you wanted to be a rabbi yourselfā¦Mary had quietly taken her place as a would-be teacher and preacher of the kingdom of God. Jesus affirms her right to do so.ā
Lysa Teurkurst taught me a lot š I listened to two of her books this year, Forgiving What You Canāt Forget and Good Boundaries and Goodbyes and they helped me walk through anger and unforgiveness. Lysa is a brilliant writer and I loved how she makes spiritual things practical and dives deep into what it means to forgive and what it doesnāt mean. She is truly a defender of the oppressed and I believe she has a unique voice to help women forgive and take healthy measures to be free from toxic relationships.
I found some healing for my girl-friendship insecurities šāāļø I told the full story in this podcast episode, but basically I got a hairbrush stuck in my hair and a flock of hairstylists spent 3 hours helping to get it out, without shame or judgement. It helped heal an insecurity about girl-friendships.
Humble confrontation is worth it š A coworker of mine had misinformation and yelled at me in my office, in front of another coworker. I was so angry. I walked out of the office and scream cried while I walked down the street. It wasnāt fair. I spent the next few weeks avoiding her and as I drove to work one day, I felt God nudge me. You should reconcile with her. āNo God, she should reconcile with ME! Why do I always have to be the bigger person? She verbally attacked me!ā No response. I gave it some time, calmed down a bit, and decided, I donāt want to have to avoid this lady forever. Iām going to try to talk to her. I set up a meeting and explained I wanted to understand why she was upset. She explained and I shared how the information she had was incorrect and I wasnāt the one she should have addressed. Her face shifted from frustration to embarrassment. She apologized and even shared the story with other coworkers and said she had made a mistake. She even said, āI want to work more closely with you because you confronted me.ā As hard as it was to accept I needed to initiate the reconciliation, it was worth it.
I shouldnāt choose āJump in the Lineā as my karaoke song š Jump in the Line (Shake, Senora) is a song sung by Harry Belafonte from 1961. It is a fun, calypso song that my grandparents played often in their house. For my friends birthday, she invited us to karaoke. And for some reason, this was the song I chose to sing. It is way to low for my range, but was fun to dance to.
I now know how the Internet works š„ļø I am not a āhow does this workā kind of a person. I am a āwhy do we do thisā kind of person. And I know why we use the Internet: it makes getting things done and getting information a heck of a lot faster. But I digressā¦since Iām not a āhow does this workā kind of person, I never thought to myself, Hmm, I wonder how Google actually gets all the information I ask it in a matter of millisecondsā¦where does the information come from? How is it transferred? Never have I had that thoughtā¦until I started working at an Internet company and had to show people why our Internet was better than other Internet. After many conversations with my very smart coworkers and some YouTube videos, I now can explain how the Internet works to a 10 year old.
I am afraid of tornados šŖļø There were 3 or 4 tornados warnings that went off in my town this past yearā¦ which is more than usualā¦and wow, does my heart rate go up when those sirens go off. Itās probably because I watched The Wizard of Oz too many times as a kid. I often have dreams tornados are coming after me and Iām running to safety. I probably should talk to my counselor about this and work through this fear. š
I appreciate checks and balances āļø It scares me to live in a world where the people at the top canāt be challenged or held accountable. I know many people in power get away with things all the time and our government is NOT perfect, but Iām just thankful we live in a system where one person doesnāt rule us all. If they were corrupted and had all the power, what hope would we have for change?
I miss playing volleyball and I am still competitive š I joined a recreational volleyball league this summer with some coworkers. It was really fun. Also, I took it a little too seriously. When it comes to sports, I canāt half-a** it. I donāt know how to give 50%. I am still competitive and am learning to accept the competitive side of me.
I want a chocolate British short-hair cat šŗ I found Mocha on Instagram and I was immediately sold. I still have to convince Jo thoughā¦
The Barbie Movie was my top movie this year š©· Ryan Gosling: hilarious. Set design: wonderful. Encouraging message for women: 10/10. I went to see it twice in theaters. Also, I grew up loving Barbies.
I love concertsš¤I hadnāt been to a concert since 2020, until this August I saw one of my top 5 bands of all time: Matchbox Twenty. It was incredible. Rob Thomas has a great live voice and they put on a show! The experience of seeing an artist you love perform live with strangers who also love that artist, is just like no other.
We can only move fast if trust is built š§āš¤āš§ After working in a new job for almost two years now, I see how important building trust with your coworkers is. Information flows easier when trust is built. It is very hard to move fast together to accomplish a goal when information doesnāt flow. My philosophy of work and team is invest in building trust between the team, and you will produce more, faster.
*To learn more, check out these videos: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vtqg4PqMvWI ; https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gYJSqzI6ugk&t=397s
**A brand I am really loving right now is called Quince. They sell well made clothing items at a reasonable price, for the materials and for fair wages for their workers.
